The Matrimonial Stakes

I wooed her with a steeplechase, I won her with a fall, I made her heartstrings quiver on the flat When the pony missed his take-off, and we crached into the wall; Well, she simply had to have me after that! It awoke a thrill of int'rest when they pulled me out for dead From beneath the shattered ruins of a horse; And althought she looked indifferent when I landed -- on my head -- In the water, it appealed to her, of course! When I won the Flappers' Flatrace it was "all Sir Garneo", For she praised the way I made my final run. And she thought the riding won it -- for how could the poor girl know That a monkey could have ridden it and won! Then they "weighed me in" a winner -- it's not often that occurs! So I didn't let my golden chances slip, For I showed her all the blood-marks where I jabbed him with the spurs, And the whip-strokes where I hit him with the whip. Then I asked her if she loved me, and she seemed inclined to shirk For a moment so I took her by the head (So to speak) and rushed her at it; and she seemed to like the work When she kissed me, though she blushed a rosy red. She's a mouth as soft as velvet, and she plenty has of heart, I could worship every little step she takes; And the saddleng-bell is ringing, so we're going to the start, Certain winners of the Matrimonial Stakes!