A Social Call

Well, well, old Father Christmas, is it you, With your thick neck and thin pretense of virtue? Less redness in the nose-nay, even some blue Would not, I think, particularly hurt you. When seen close to, not mounted in your car, You look the drunkard and the pig you are. No matter, sit you down, for I am not In a gray study, as you sometimes find me. Merry? O, no, nor wish to be, God wot, But there's another year of pain behind me. That's something to be thankful for: the more There are behind, the fewer are before. I know you, Father Christmas, for a scamp, But Heaven endowed me at my soul's creation With an affinity to every tramp That walks the world and steals its admiration. For admiration is like linen left Upon the line-got easiest by theft. Good God! old man, just think of it! I've stood, With brains and honesty, some five-and-twenty Long years as champion of all that's good, And taken on the mazzard thwacks a-plenty. Yet now whose praises do the people bawl? Those of the fellows whom I live to maul! Why, this is odd!-the more I try to talk Of you the more my tongue grows egotistic To prattle of myself! I'll try to balk Its waywardness and be more altruistic. So let us speak of others-how they sin, And what a devil of a state they 're in! That's all I have to say. Good-bye, old man. Next year you possibly may find me scolding Or miss me altogether: Nature's plan Includes, as I suppose, a final folding Of these poor empty hands. Then dropp a tear To think they'll never box another ear.