' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Alternative Hamlets(A Tanka Or Two For Me Auld Pal Al)

'No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; Am an attendant lord, one that will do To swell a progress, start a scene or two Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool.' Eliot's Mr. Prufrock in his famous LOVE SONG. I stared to wonder what if it all went right...what if Hamlet got old...would it be the same. What kind of guy was Hamlet anyway...kind or the most unkindest guy of all. In some universe or other did it all get played out different. Bored out of my mind I decided to send my mind to find out...to tanka or not to tanka...ah that is the question! ******* SHAKESPEARE’S MOST UNSUCCESSFUL PLAY Hamlet: where it all goes right. He does the right thing. Kills King. Ties the knot weds Oph...lots of kids. Poor Shakes nothing to write home about. ******* CHIT & CHAT Hamlet & Prufrock have tea & cakes & ices. “Did you know old chap that T.S. Eliot’s name’s an anagram of toilets? ” ******* CHAT & CHIT Hamlet: sits at home Friday night orders a pizza has a beer or two calls up Prufrock for a chat. Ah! Where did it all go right? ******* HOW IT HAPPEND...REALLY. Hamlet: Mammy’s boy. Ghost was all just a bad dream Uncle has stroke – dies. Mum becomes nun. He marries Ophelia. And that’s...that. ******* OUR HAMLET Hamlet plays darts, farts. Proud owner of beer belly reads SUN...visits Mum. Holidays in Ibiza. Cheers on Denmark in World Cup. ******* DEAR MR. SHAKESPEARE I AM SORRY BUT YOUR MANUSCRIPT... Eliot writes his LOVE SONG OF MR. HAMLET. Shakespeare writes his J.R. PRUFROCK THE GREAT DANE. They both get nowhere – failures. ****** “HELLO AND WELCOME TO TONGIHT’S SHOW THAT IS THE QUESTION! ” Shakespeare confronted with Hamlet on Gerry Springer. Bouncers separate them. “You mother....! ” “No...I never! ” Discover they love one another. ******* HAMLET SUES SHAKESPEARE Hamlet: sorry now he asked his best mate Shakespeare to do the family history as he the poet embellished what he wrote. Damn! ******* MAKING A FORTUNE OUT OF SHAKESPEARE Hamlet: fat & rich Made a fortune in tourism Thanks to Mr. Shakes most famous play BRIAN THE DANE flogs timeshares in Elsinore. ******* THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER ON THE OTHER PAGE IS ALWAYS GREENER Hamlet is watching J. Alfred Prufrock try to be (or not) Be: him. Interesting. And me trying to be him.