An Unexpected Meeting Framed By Two Solitudes

Are these connections coincidences or fate, When the time for love and hope is late; Could it be possible buried hearts to live Unaware of love they guard concealed? Mihaela Pirjol (For the first two sections, Jeremy speaks the odd-numbered stanzas, and Rene, the even-numbered ones. For section three I have identified each speaker. The surging melody Rene hears in section one is the second song in Gustav Mahler's cycle THE SONG OF THE EARTH, titled The Lonely One in Autumn.) TWO SOLITUDES Silence, like a pale wind, drifts through leafless poplars, slips down their wet bark, soaks red gold leaves I trample, and spreads across the landscape I call home. When will this silence end? When will my solitude be peopled with love? I walk quickly through sunshafts broken into crooked pieces of light. This is the awakening that shines over me and my terrier on our morning walks. He strains against the leash so anxious is he for the next scent. Time was I thought the world would be different by now. We are anxiously listening for the redemptive word. People still stretch out their arms in a mute appeal. And we practice the art of WAITING. How long can patience hold? How can I help my sister? Her husband is having surgery next week to remove a growth. Is it benign or malignant? She is so worried. In one breath she tells me they are both hopeful and strong, and in the next breath she falls silent. I obsess over things that are distant from me - foreign affairs, money policies, trends in lyric poetry, world hunger. It's what's close that is veiled. I should seize and lift that veil, and pull it off, or do I wait for a gentle breeze to remove it? Beth and Glenn came to see me. They, no, we are so relieved. Glenn is fully recovered. They were like giddy teenagers, smiling at each other, holding hands, stealing kisses. Meanwhile, I heard that surging melody, SUN OF LOVE, WHEN WILL YOU SHINE ON ME? There's going to be a fund raiser for Tom Whateley's Teen Watch Association at the Cedar Theater next Tuesday. He wants me to come, and I feel compelled to do so. I think he wants me to volunteer as a tutor. Perhaps I should - I will. Beth does volunteer work with teens. She said it really helped her cope during Glenn's crisis. She wants me to attend a potluck with her and meet her colleagues. I am strangely drawn to this event. I already said, YES. AN UNEXPECTED MEETING I was getting another glass of wine for myself when I saw her looking at me. At first, I thought she was another guest, and was flattered for the stare. Then - I realized it was Rene, Rene fourteen years later. Rene of my heart... O lucky day! What serendipity! I met an old flame. He still sees me as that immature, unpredictable college student who shared an apartment with him for six sex-drenched months. Oh, my! Doesn't he remember we parted bitterly? She thinks there was bitterness in our parting. I remember laughter and good will. She even lent me $300 to cover rent, I paid her back promptly, before she left for Chicago. When I told her the whole story a second time, with much more detail, she was very quiet. It's the same face I held in my hands and kissed so many times. I didn't tell him that. But his eyes still shine with the most truthful steadiness. There was a moment I was flustered and could not speak. He smiled gently over me, and filled the gap quietly. We found an empty corner, far away from the stage where a teen band was performing. People were starting to dance, more and more on the dance floor. We - we talked in equal measure of memories and catch-up... Her face is still that soft flesh I know so well. A whirlwind week! He calls it a whirligig! Two concerts, movies on the weekend. Walks in the parks. Dinners and even lunches together. And one long night at a jazz club with his friends, followed by a breakfast gathering with mine. We've stepped into each other's lives so easily. I hope I'm not just projecting, but I haven't felt so close to a woman in living memory, which means fourteen years. I wanted so much to kiss her yesterday. I almost reached out to touch her face, but suddenly my hand froze. And a voice inside said, NO. We talked and talked, and the conversation goes naturally from trivial things to important things with barely a breath separating them. I like this kind of conversation. It tells me what he's been through since I knew him as a young man. Who is he really today, right now? Our conversation bumped into a lot of locked doors she wouldn't open. She treats our past as a riot of immature kids. But doesn't every past deserve a future? I feel such tenderness for her. If only I could reveal that tenderness. Is she ready to accept it? Should I take the risk? Why do men want to jump into bed the moment you make an intimate gesture? Don't they realize we're testing the waters, not making overtures? Why can't they see sex as a culminating event, and not rush into it until our faces are imprinted in each other's heart... And now he's mad at me! ... And now she's mad at me. I seized the moment she seemed to melt with tenderness. I surrendered to the passion of the moment, and I thought she felt the passion, too. But instead of responding, she stiffened. Aren't we imprinted on each other's mind? How could I be so wrong? TOGETHERNESS Rene A misunderstanding. An impasse. Four days of alone-time to realize we want to be together - always... Jeremy I called and left a message. A simple apology, no special pleading. We are bound to each other already. We both know this. Rene I showed him a book of poems I bought last summer while vacationing on Aphrodite's Cyprus. The female poet wrote several poems about a buried life animated by a long-ago experience of love. He smiled, and it was such a sweet temptation, I wanted to kiss him. Jeremy She recited a poem from memory, holding the book against her heart. She was so suffused with emotion, she could barely finish her recitation. I touched her cheek very gently and her smile was a single dove flying into a sky of luminous clouds. I felt suddenly light-headed. Rene Read these poems, I said to him. And I will meet you on every page. He took the book in one hand, and with other took my hand and placed it on his heart. He looked deep into my eyes. His brown eyes and my green eyes locked in a steadfast gaze. Everything stopped, time stopped, my thoughts stopped. Jeremy I took the volume she offered me, and she was suddenly in my arms, her head against my shoulder. Then she raised her head, her face was the moon shining through all the cold winter nights yet to come, bringing what welcome warmth it can. We kissed, our kisses were a string of glowing pearls. Rene We talked quietly about how we wanted to live together, and the word forever was in our speech. And I watched his eyes... Jeremy Our talking was hushed, quiet, almost at times no more than a whisper. We made promises. And I watched her face... Rene So this is the truth of love. How effortlessly love takes over. Today it is only a flame, in days - Jeremy to come it will be the fire that lights and warms our years - Jeremy/Rene together now, forever now, in the truth of love.