Ratbag (Fun Poem 109)

Ratbag was a pirate whom sailed the seven seas and the Spanish Main. You won’t find his name in any history book, as he wasn’t that good at being a pirate at all. He was neither Long John Silver nor Captain Henry Morgan. His greatest claim to fame was attempting to kidnap a Polynesian Princess, but feisty woman said, “Ho, Ho, Oh no you don’t.” Then promptly hit Ratbag over the head with a coconut. However, she was much better than just conking him on the bonce she ran off with his pirate ship and his motley crew as well. She left ole Ratbag stranded on an island with the most ugliest women the world has ever seen. Ratbag got away from there, and hitched a ride on a passing brigantine home, but the law caught up with him said he must spend twenty years in the penal colony at Cookaroo. Then he was place on a farm that raised kangaroos; his job was to round them up at the close of day. Another thing he was not good at as the Cookaroo’s kangaroos beat him up every time he shouted. Escaping from Cookaroo, he became a highwayman another job he wasn’t good at its sad to say. The first coach he shouted stand and deliver to, ran him into the ground. Sadly, that led to his demise. 1 September 2009 Author Note: The name Ratbag comes from a criminal who was once locked up in Newgate Prison. The rest of this tale was made up by the author who hopes it raised a smile.