How To Become A Performance Poet

How to become a performance poet: First spike up your hair and get it dyed blue. You must make an impression. Go for it! Hire someone who plays the didgeridoo. Then you'll need a suitable pseudonym. Like Dommy Rotten or Sinister Sue! Embrace absurd notions; forget wisdom. Add everything to your poetry stew. Be the ultimate con artist, until Even the Emperor's New Clothes will Have nothing on you. O never stay still: Keep changing; keep on seeking novel thrills! And remember to compose doggerel And other assorted nonsense performed In a quirky, sometimes wild way. O to hell With well structured verse! You'll go down a storm If you break all the rules; try it, you'll see. Next, you'll require a pack of cronies Who will wax lyrical about your work. O they should sing your praises constantly! And most importantly, be greater jerks. Than you. All in all, it should be easy To make a quick impression: just ad lib, Tell a few coarse jokes. I'm sure they'll clap Your mad offerings; the cut of your jib And none of them will dare call your act crap. Forget nuanced diction, simply scream out Your meagre scribblings; and let it all out. O you will become hackneyed style without substance With devoted disciples in abundance!