I Was Never Really There

I was never really there. I was just a casual tourist, Searching for shiny signs of novelty. I never established firm ground. Like a spectre clinging To the crumbs of other people's dreams, To fill what it lacks in substance, I was never really there. I walked the streets a thousand times Looking for a guide. But all I found were faceless crowds, Scurrying aimlessly through life. I never let my mask slip. I never got close to anyone. Like a bit part in a play, I was never really there/ I tasted love's fleeting thrills. But they lacked colour and shade. Love lacked a deeper purpose, It all seemed to be in vain. I watched them form paltry unions From the vantage of the wings. But I was not impressed, I was never really there. I sought hackneyed information; Not the fruits of knowledge I wasted my time with horoscopes And other disreputable arts. I was a shadow chasing shadows; A blind man without a crutch. Now all the roses have turned to dust. I was never really there. I looked into the mirror, And was confronted By my own emptiness, And age old fears. I watched the world on T.V, As the great events passed by. I never raised a flag or fist. I was never really there. And now I recline on my winter throne: A cynical king without a crown. Like my kind father before me, Old but, unlike him, not so wise; Counting the days and hours left; Before the dark departure; Before the senses expire. And pray that I may be reborn, As I was never really there.