Doughnuts And Cider

LAST night I single handed fought a gang of murderers that came To get my money or my life, and very nearly did the same; I struggled with them on a cliff, and over it I toppled two, I hit another one a biff that dazed him, but I wasn't through, As fast as one was overpowered another villain forced the fight, Because four doughnuts I devoured and used a cider wash last night. The horse that I was riding ran away with me at furious pace, He tossed me up against a tree, I ploughed a furrow with my face! A farmer's bull was grazing near, and he took up the battle then And landed me upon my ear upon the farmer's cattle pen; An aeroplane came whizzing by, I grabbed at it with all my might, Because four doughnuts that you buy, with cider I washed down last night. A strange and angry beast then came, a creature with a horrid grunt, The way he used me was a shame, he galloped up and down my front; He had the roughest kind of feet that ever I have gazed upon, His breath was hardly fresh and sweet, of nostrils he had only one But that belched fire and brimstone, too; his tusks were long and sharp and white — It's awful what doughnuts will do when mixed with cider late at night!