Initiation

After I stumbled through the gauntlet, after they had hit me As hard as they could, Some there only because there was someone else To be brought in, I joined them In greeting the new ones, the frightened and longing ones, And I punched as hard and as much as I could, something Filling in me I would tell you was a thrill Only because I had no better word for it. There was another word for it: violence Made my mother impatient with me, she would call me evil, And I knew what she was trying to talk to me about— How much I hated, How much I wanted and how greedy wanting made me. What I wanted most were better words.