How The Canetoad Came To Australia

It was near Cairns, out on the road. A rather homely looking toad was of a mind to find his mate. 'Twas raining heavily, and late. He dodged, with luck and clumsy feet the cars that occupied the street. He'd jump a bit and then duck down and was the picture of a clown. He smelled her lovely pheromones and ached inside his cane toad bones. But had not touched her, eye to eye because he was a trifle shy. She'd taken off, late afternoon, had left them all at the lagoon, as if she were to, somewhere else find HIM, with whistles and with bells. Her skin was, you could say light blue and changed in hue like Uluru. Thus she stood out from all the crowd which ought to never be allowed because a toad who won't fit in due to, let's say, a double chin, will quickly get a bloated brain which in itself will make him vain.. Miss Toad, as you can visualise, had glacier blue and bulging eyes, though not exceptional in height wore a colossal underbite. What to her suitors was not clear is, whether all her other gear, well hidden under warts and abs was feminine and not just scabs. II Toads shed their skin each time they shrug, you could crochet a blue-green rug from one large creature in no time; just wash it to remove the slime. This male who called himself a teen did trust his instincts and was keen to spend some time inside a ditch (yet, he had not yet found the bitch!) . So he kept dodging through the night, just hoping for the pretty sight that played inside his ugly head, and then! He tought she might be dead. You know how our better halves run willy-nilly, like young calves, in circles down those freeway lanes, and on the track, avoiding trains. He started worrying at once. His dream of daughters and of sons seemed to have gone into a void; he raised his feet now and said 'Floyd! ' It was his name, in case you think that he was closer to the brink that separates from sanity all those embracing misery. He spoke the words that could be heard and understood by every nerd, that he had come to save the cane. Those near considered him insane. All farmers closed their ears and eyes to canetoad's ramblings and his cries. They thought he was another pest and to ignore him would be best. But, at the junction of the road our hero Floyd who was a toad, was spotted by a scientist who grabbed him with a flabby fist. Just then young Floyd had, with his tongue caught a young beetle who had hung inside a sugarplant at that, he'd eaten lots and gotten fat. It was a plague and they all knew that every sugarcane they grew would be attacked and eaten bare, the beetles got a hefty share. The learn-ed man now saw his chance to grow in stature and advance, by saving all the sugar fields and drastic'ly increase their yields. What Floyd had not accomplished yet until he and the fellow met, was simple for the learn-ed man, he caught the female in a can by using pheromones from Floyd, 'twas something females can't avoid. And soon they were inside a shed then, minutes later they were wed. The scientist turned off the light and used the balance of the night to write a thesis, well, an ode about the future of the toad. Floyd did produce a lot of sperm (each did resemble a small worm) , and in the end Maureen gave birth to thousands that enriched the earth. The scientist, a scrawny chappy, was overwhelmed and very happy. He gave a speech then on T V and told them how they would be free of beetles, courtesy of brains he mentioned great financial gains. You see, he said, the toads will eat their very favourite, tasty meat and thus eliminate the cause, his voice was drowned by much applause. The years went by and, yes indeed Floyd and his clan did breed and breed. Some thirty thousand thrice a year of warty toads that have no fear. The problem though was that the toads ran circles on those country roads. Although they tried and tried to teach the toads to climb, so they could reach the canetoadbeetles in the stalks. A toad just sits there and he gawks, while drooling on his underbite and making noises in the night. Well, now and then a beetle will fall to the ground, remaining still. His camouflage his only chance, but then, you'll see the killers dance They'll rip him into tiny bits and feed the pieces to the kids. Meanwhile, on Highway number seven the scientist just went to Heaven. Irate they were, those farmer blokes, not in the mood for further jokes. No matter how he dodged and hopped that mob of farmers had him stopped. Note: Bufus Marinus, the cane toad, was imported by Australian Agriculture authoritied when it was observed that they would eat (with gusto) , the beetle destroying Australian canefields. Once the toads had multiplied (each female can lay 30,000 eggs three times each year) it was discovered that the toads could kill small animals like dogs with their toxic venom. What they were unable to do was to climb. So, the beetles and the toads sort of grew up together. Many friendships were formed and onl a few beetles were actually eaten. Tasty though they might be. Today, the beetles continue to look down on the toads from their lofty heights, while munching sugar cane.