Teacher's Pets

Once upon a time a teacher, partial to most any creature, had retired to his bed. Slept as if he had been dead. And, to illustrate my story, I am sure you won't be sorry, I will show you what transpired, how the very much admired teacher had a common habit, he would curl up like a rabbit. Sleep as soundly as he could, wearing his combed cotton hood. Teacher never had been married, thus no lucky lady carried in her heart his noble name. But to him 'twas all the same. Not that ladies found him boring, not at all, it was his snoring which would chase them from his pillow. And when he went and cut the willow down by the river's eastern edge, the symbol of his new-found pledge, he vowed to never share his pillow and carried home that lovely willow to feed his Swedish fireplace, foreseeeing though the likely case of loneliness to come at night. He went to town and bought a kite as well as one She-Teddybear, the latter was to always share his bed to keep the blues away. The former would be for the day. Oh, I forgot to tell you that the teacher owned a pussycat. But cats have (and I think the same) a brain (so many people claim) of tyrant and unkind persuasion this cat, a manx, was also Asian. In any case the kitty chased each night the insects that were based inside the house, in hiding places. When caught she'd rip apart their faces and eat them with an appetite that even in the heat of night could well be heard up near the school. The cat would smack and purr and drool. But this did not lead to estrangement because the gist of the arrangement was that he was quite unaware that his own cat (her name was Claire) was into nightlife in a way that would look odd during the day. That night, which is this story's feature, saw moonlight shining on the teacher. The cat was prowling through the house in hopes of locating a mouse. She used the seven-prong approach and always caught herself a roach if bigger prizes did elude. That night she was in splendid mood. Meanwhile, in bed the teacher snored, mouth open wide, his music scored at least one hundred-ten dB (that's strength of sound, my friend, you see) . His teeth were resting in a glass, right next to bracelets of pure brass. Out of the stainless laundry shute emerged a roach, in hot pursuit was Claire, but on the stainless steel cat claws do not develop feel. So right away the cat was sliding, the roach looked for a place of hiding. In utter panic, desperation, the man who dwelled in deep sedation seemed at this moment to present escape from the predicament. So, with tremendous speed and skill the roach jumped in the, if you will cavernous haven, with no light. It was the middle of the night. Inside the mouth of man and beast most often one can find at least a couple clever hiding places, though it is different in those cases where rampant periodontitis, perhaps some angular cheilitis, have sent the biting tools away. And in the case of our hero the molar count came up with zero. With Claire still there, now on a chair and getting well prepared to stare inside the cave of only gums, the roach now prayed and did his sums, and, using some of teacher's spit to grease the passage just a bit, he slid into the pitch black gullet resembling now a speeding mullet. At this exact historic moment, the gag reflex, a true component of regions north of the true gut did recognise that some weird nut had entered the restricted space. The signal came from brain to base 'EJECT, EJECT', and with a force that makes you wonder where the source of all this power may be hidden. The roach that had gone in, unbidden flew out, quite straight and heading south.... into the smiling, open mouth..... of Claire who happened to be there. I do not know if we could learn from this a lesson somewhat stern. But let me add that in the morning the teacher found that, now adorning his pillow, next to cute Miss Teddy lay see-through pieces of confetti, two little bits that looked like wings. The teacher asked 'who brought these things? ' And, for the first time in existence, while overcoming strong resistance, Miss Teddy spoke and said quite clearly: ' Last night some creature did pay dearly for venturing close to your heart. He was an ugly looking fart, as to those two translucent things... cats never do eat cockroach wings.'