Truffle Archie

Young Archie's problem was the size of his gigantic nose, the midwife did not realise that even one of those could cause much unexpected strife much worse than any breech, when Archie thought he'd get a life he seemed so out of reach. Her skilled and clever bony hands were searching for the boy, a birth is tricky and demands that on does not annoy the Goddess of all new creation, and speed is of the essence. So to avoid an operation, which scares us simple peasants, one can't quite dilly or dally. So back to unborn baby Archie, the midwife's name was Auntie Sally, she wore a uniform so starchy that, when she stripped for bed at night, it stood all by itself and served as a deterrent, giving fright to Peeping Toms who had the nerve to hang around and get their kicks. Aunt Sally was a high-skilled nurse who knew all of obstretrics' tricks and rarely did she see a hearse. Well, now the situation changed, the stethoscope reported trouble. A pulse would be declared 'deranged', at under ninety, 'on the double! ' yelled Sally, elbows both inside. And now, at last she felt his nose and told the patient 'open wide', and 'push again, I think he owes a very quick, successful ride, I've never been in so much strife'. And now a giant fleshy hook (the father fainted near his wife) , which Sally pulled and yanked, it took all of her strength to set him free. Then he was out and started crying, the others laughed, they all could see, that with this monster he'd be eyeing the great divide between the two. Because it was of such dimension, that, if it ever further grew it would require intervention. Young Archie lived in Southern France, he did love life and was accepted. Although they wouldn't let him dance, (it was a truce and well he kept it) , he did like music, did the shuffles at home on his big wine estate, his wealth grew through the local Truffles, it was his birthright and his fate to go out into wild boar's plains, there point his sniffer to the ground, the yield would then require chains and six strong Clydesdales, homeward bound. He soon amassed enormous riches and all because he had a nose. Some said he had betrayed his britches, but Archie said: 'It's God who chose.'