V-Day Overseas

Being that you are, this year not only out of town but far, so far away for Valentine, I got myself in gear and bought a card, it was a pretty one, sat down, a Foster's by my side and words were gonna flow onto the pre-drawn lines. I sat all day and half the night but nothing came, my tongue was tied onto itself, my eyes bloodshot and gritty now just needed sleep, I was, as well all out of beer and there was not the time to send the card to you. So, I don't really give a carp what everybody thinks, I love the little lady still and call her secretly the number thirteen D, which does not quite refer to any garment size at all, so put your tongue back in and let me yabber a bit more. I wrote the blooming envelope, addressing it PAR AVION, like they had stipulated, seems the French invented mail, and not the Yanks on the Prairie, by then the Post had closed, 'twas Friday night and me I'd be in outhouse penal colony for sheer neglect and total lack of LOVE, a lie should you ask ME, so I was just about to get the diary where all our private numbers live, but (kid you not) twas not to be. A foreign voice Alloooh, Allooh? Then followed by a nasal Nooh. They had not heard of her, would I be able to provide details, like house and height, shoe size I guess so they could punch it in to their système de la recherche per'aps tomorrroh vould be bien? That's how I snapped that Friday night, last night my LOVE, I do regret that we will need a brand new telephone, a coffee table and the Grecian Vase, I did not tip the driver, he was way too slow but heck, I made it, and I brought this card. It is for you and I just thought you'd smile to hold my Valentine close to your boobs and here I am, a trifle out of place. Oh yes, I nodded off and dreamed of you, and thought you might, well thanks, I needed that, you taste like wine and forest berries, just like you do at home, and...can we go somewhere those folks are staring love, perhaps well, where exactly do you stay, it's a hotel, of course, and would there be an even chance that they provide a bed of decent size, not that I mind to sleep out in the hall, what do you think? Yes, dear I shall be quiet, shut it now, you still taste sweet, Lambrusco like? Ohhm, ahh, this is OKAYYYYYYY, I'll catch the lights but where's the bloody switch?