Senator Jessie Helms

When as a child...I committed An act sufficiently crass Mother would grab a limb from the elm tree And she'd promptly..whip my ass Whatever the infraction I was never denied a seat At my mother's table When it came time to eat A philosophy applicable To the errant Jessie Helms For right there in Washington .....Are plenty...........of elms So...welcome the Senator to your table Don't deny him the seat Just whip his ass..then pass the gavel Now Mr. Chairman..........let's eat Author's note: Helms, vying to become Senate Foreign Relations Chair, ignited a 1994 political firestorm with the controversial suggestion, 'President Clinton better not show up around here (Helms' home state of North Carolina) without a bodyguard.' Helms narrowly survived the heated opposition, and was successfully confirmed by the United States Senate.