Billy's Alphabetical Animal Show

A was an elegant Ape Who tied up his ears with red tape, And wore a long veil Half revealing his tail Which was trimmed with jet bugles and crape. B was a boastful old Bear Who used to say,--'Hoomh! I declare I can eat--if you'll get me The children, and let me-- Ten babies, teeth, toenails and hair!' C was a Codfish who sighed When snatched from the home of his pride, But could he, embrined, Guess this fragrance behind, How glad he would be that he died! D was a dandified Dog Who said,--'Though it's raining like fog I wear no umbrellah, Me boy, for a fellah Might just as well travel incog!' E was an elderly Eel Who would say,--'Well, I really feel-- As my grandchildren wriggle And shout 'I should giggle'-- A trifle run down at the heel!' F was a Fowl who conceded _Some_ hens might hatch more eggs than _she_ did,-- But she'd children as plenty As eighteen or twenty, And that was quite all that she needed. G was a gluttonous Goat Who, dining one day, _table-d'hote,_ Ordered soup-bone, _au fait_, And fish, _papier-mache_, And a _filet_ of Spring overcoat. H was a high-cultured Hound Who could clear forty feet at a bound, And a coon once averred That his howl could be heard For five miles and three-quarters around. I was an Ibex ambitious To dive over chasms auspicious; He would leap down a peak And not light for a week, And swear that the jump was delicious. J was a Jackass who said He had such a bad cold in his head, If it wasn't for leaving The rest of us grieving, He'd really rather be dead. K was a profligate Kite Who would haunt the saloons every night; And often he ust To reel back to his roost Too full to set up on it right. L was a wary old Lynx Who would say,--'Do you know wot I thinks?-- I thinks ef you happen To ketch me a-nappin' I'm ready to set up the drinks!' M was a merry old Mole, Who would snooze all the day in his hole, Then--all night, a-rootin' Around and galootin'-- He'd sing 'Johnny, Fill up the Bowl!' N was a caustical Nautilus Who sneered, 'I suppose, when they've _caught_ all us, Like oysters they'll serve us, And can us, preserve us, And barrel, and pickle, and bottle us!' O was an autocrat Owl-- Such a wise--such a wonderful fowl! Why, for all the night through He would hoot and hoo-hoo, And hoot and hoo-hooter and howl! P was a Pelican pet, Who gobbled up all he could get; He could eat on until He was full to the bill, And there he had lodgings to let! Q was a querulous Quail, Who said: 'It will little avail The efforts of those Of my foes who propose To attempt to put salt on my tail!' R was a ring-tailed Raccoon, With eyes of the tinge of the moon, And his nose a blue-black, And the fur on his back A sad sort of sallow maroon. S is a Sculpin--you'll wish Very much to have one on your dish, Since all his bones grow On the outside, and so He's a very desirable fish. T was a Turtle, of wealth, Who went round with particular stealth,-- 'Why,' said he, 'I'm afraid Of being waylaid When I even walk out for my health!' U was a Unicorn curious, With one horn, of a growth so _luxurious_, He could level and stab it-- If you didn't grab it-- Clean through you, he was so blamed furious! V was a vagabond Vulture Who said: 'I don't want to insult yer, But when you intrude Where in lone solitude I'm a-preyin', you're no man o' culture!' W was a wild _Wood_chuck, And you can just bet that he _could_ 'chuck' He'd eat raw potatoes, Green corn, and tomatoes, And tree roots, and call it all '_good_ chuck!' X was a kind of X-cuse Of a some-sort-o'-thing that got loose Before we could name it, And cage it, and tame it, And bring it in general use. Y is the Yellowbird,--bright As a petrified lump of star-light, Or a handful of lightning- Bugs, squeezed in the tight'ning Pink fist of a boy, at night. Z is the Zebra, of course!-- A kind of a clown-of-a-horse,-- Each other despising, Yet neither devising A way to obtain a divorce! & here is the famous--what-is-it? Walk up, Master Billy, and quiz it: You've seen the _rest_ of 'em-- Ain't this the _best_ of 'em, Right at the end of your visit?