The Way It Wuz

Las' July--an', I persume 'Bout as hot As the ole Gran'-Jury room Where they sot!-- Fight 'twixt Mike an' Dock McGriff-- 'Pears to me jes' like as if I'd a dremp' the whole blame thing-- Allus ha'nts me roun' the gizzard When they're nightmares on the wing, An' a feller's blood's jes' friz! Seed the row from a to izzard-- 'Cause I wuz a-standin' as clost to 'em As me an' you is! Tell you the way it wuz-- An' I do n't want to see, Like _some_ fellers does, When they 're goern to be Any kind o' fuss-- On'y makes a rumpus wuss Far to interfere When their dander's riz-- But I wuz a-standin' as clost to 'em As me an' you is! I wuz kind o' strayin' Past the blame saloon-- Heerd some fiddler playin' That 'ole hee-cup tune!' Sort o' stopped, you know, Far a minit er so, And wuz jes' about Settin' down, when--_Jeemses-whizz!_ Whole durn winder-sash fell out! An' there laid Doc McGriff, and Mike A-straddlin' him, all bloody-like, An' both a-gittin' down to biz!-- An' I wuz a-standin' as clost to 'em As me an' you is! I wuz the on'y man aroun'-- (Durn old-fogy town! 'Peared more like, to me, _Sund'y_ 'an _Saturd'y!)_ Dog come 'crost the road An' tuck a smell An' put right back; Mishler driv by 'ith a load O' cantalo'pes he couldn't sell-- Too mad, 'y jack! To even ast What wuz up, as he went past! Weather most outrageous hot!-- Fairly hear it sizz Roun' Dock an' Mike--till Dock he shot, An' Mike he slacked that grip o' his An' fell, all spraddled out. Dock riz 'Bout half up, a-spittin' red, An' shuck his head-- An' I wuz a-standin' as clost to 'em As me an' you is! An' Dock he says, A-whisperin'-like,-- 'It hain't no use A-tryin'!--Mike He's jes' ripped my daylights loose!-- Git that blame-don fiddler to Let up, an' come out here--You Got some burryin' to do,-- Mike makes _one_, an' I expects In ten seconds I'll make _two_!' And he drapped back, where he riz, 'Crost Mike's body, black and blue, Like a great big letter X!-- An' I wuz a-standin' as clost to 'em As me an' you is!