Table Hymn

PRECENTOR: We've got so much to bitch about, such boundless grounds for whining, the hour has come --- there is no doubt --- to interrupt our dining. CONGREGATION: Christ, hear the creature, canting like a preacher! Should we gibe and jeer him? Or hear him? PRECENTOR: I know a nation, combed and clean, with comely lads and lasses, loyal liegemen ever keen to lick their masters' asses. CONGREGATION: Man, what's the matter? My you like to chatter! Your praise is both capricious and vicious. PRECENTOR: Just now the natives feel their oats (for nerve will rarely fail them), demanding new and nifty boats though not a soul can sail them. CONGREGATION: No need to worry or gnash your teeth in fury --- they're pretty good at going out rowing! PRECENTOR: They've formed a new committee now, announced by royal letter, without an earthly inkling how it ought to make things better. CONGREGATION: Well --- time will settle whether that has mettle! We find these facts we're getting upsetting. PRECENTOR: This people's enterprise is not a potent force behind it. They live on curds and whey a lot and liquor when they find it. CONGREGATION: True, they like drinking till they're really stinking --- we find these facts insightful but spiteful. PRECENTOR: Incessant slumber makes them pleased; their singing's really frightful; their wool is often oddly teased, their eiderdown delightful. CONGREGATION: Far from surprising to find them late arising! We think the things you're saying dismaying. PRECENTOR: The children wear their charming hats like chipper little Frenchmen. The dales are dark with bureaucrats from Denmark and their henchmen. CONGREGATION: Mister! I wouldn't mutter things you shouldn't! Things you'd best forget about --- not fret about!