Disgust

I feel such a disgust for all I'm writing, for what I write for past three weeks, Does it look like I'm inspired? but for the sense - It is not me! You are like coming with a rifle, You are like beating me in guts. Maybe it pleases you when I'm crying, and you take it for true love. It has caused pain to me already. There are some people who love this. It is impossible to blame them, they call it passion, earthly bliss. I saw in men's eyes such aggression. transsexuals also hide this. What may be painful in amalgamation? Losing my ego? Losing God? True bliss?