I Have Prayed For Spiritual Guidance

Indeed, there is no need for gratitude or prayers I have wept oceans and arrived nowhere I have crawled beneath stale bedsheets unawares How to move forward freshly prepared I have prayed for spiritual guidance. But have been met by only deafening silence And yet somehow, I am still here sightless Hoping to find a better way to exist in defiance Defiance of bitterness, I pray for my soul But I care -not truly where I wander or go... Peace is a grace dreamt by some poetic fool Calm is a dead body of water with no undertow. With no pull to carry a floating discarded leaf But no healing will we find in a teardrop alone We must all reach out like a desert in our belief There is a coast within easy reach of us all unknown And if we but step forward blind and empty We will find an oasis trembling with a living breath A whispering of amens, monks in a monastery Glorifying our life and our ultimate death A gentle wind serpentine in love and savagery Softly deceives to circumvent our better nature And exploit our carefree ego almost involuntary But in the end, might I not fall like a godless gladiator? 'Might you or I not cry alone? ' 'Might you or I not die alone? ' Spīritus Sānctus takes dominion of the air. God, in his wisdom, loves us and wants us all in his care. Crying endless tears into a spiritual void a dead loam. Lord, let the subsoil explode into a carpet of magnolia flowers. Lord, let the incineration of my bones be sent to a catacomb. But not my soul, instead like a column of air reaching higher. Let me rise where no darkness can follow. Let me dry my eyes and shadow you in your footsteps tomorrow. Because foolishly I do believe and have constant faith in you Even though I cry and pretend with every breath not to. I do. Lord, really I do.