.28) Father's Blessing

1. Every piece of clothing felt soaked with dread as I packed. My brother had called from St. Louis, saying this might be the time: ”And you, my father, there on that sad height…” I prepared to enter the solemn tunnel of passage, father to son since the time aged Isaac placed his hand on Jacob’s head, thinking he was Esau. Was some trickster at work here, too? 2. When I was 8, the rope I was following my father along to manhood gradually started slipping away, till I had no guide at all. Later came my rebellion and the rage of the displeased patriarch that his young Isaac refused to place his head upon a block of sacrifice into the prison of a suit and tie but tried to go his own way along a bridge of passage that was missing slats. When the son fell into a black abyss, the patriarch cried his vat of tears till none were left. The son found other fathers who had the nets to scoop him up, and as the years stretched out, the baffled patriarch asked, “Why these other father figures in your life? ” He scratched his greying head at a son who had given up life as he’d known it to follow a God no more solid to the father than the air, no more substantial to him than fairies or wind. No way to sing again, “Sonny boy, climb upon my knee...” Breakfasts of reconciliation would end with peremptory hugs after gruff words, resentments too alive to stay politely buried. 3. Entering the room, I saw a sleeping man. Too late? He must have heard me walk in. He blinked, then stared. “Maxie’s here! Now I can die! ” You always were a joker, dad, but that may not have been a joke. I fumbled through my mind for words. The family came, and then went out, And we were left alone again. “Anything you want to say? ” I risked, not knowing if the patriarch would bless or snub his eldest son. A little while earlier, he’d said, “I’ve got to go to work! ” and tried to pull his tubes out. Now he looked at me with total clarity. “I’m proud of you, ” he said. “I’m happy that you’re teaching. If you can sell your writing, you’ll have everything you want.” I bowed my head, received my father’s blessing— and felt my burden lift.