Lover's Complaint

I don't know how a God so loving can be so stern. Nothing I've read that purports to explain it does so to my satisfaction. Of course 'my' satisfaction is just the point. You say that 'me' is an impostor, a leering mask who's convinced everyone he's the genuine article, the self, and You, the real Self are just watching the show, patiently waiting. But I don't know how to reconcile all this with the sweet beauty of Creation that is like Your Smile saying 'I love you, this is all My Gift to you', that leaves me smiling too to be a part of it all, and feeling natural and beautiful and included, and then the next second You have me putting my shoulder to some alien-feeling grindstone, implying if I take it off, or even want to, or if I complain like this, I don't really love You...