0013 Sainthood Via Automated Complaints

Living saints seem to be an endangered species though nobody complains so how about the ‘sustainable’ bit? How To Be a Saint isn’t yet in that expanding Idiot’s Guide series however there is a Path, a Way right at the tips of your fingers though have your blood pressure checked first automated complaints and I’m sure I don’t need to spell that out for you the one that you can’t even get through to make; the options that don’t include yours; the hanging on, because we value your call; the background music like that loop from Mendelsohn’s violin concerto like a continuously thwarted orgasm without a climax so here’s the perfect practice run through a checklist of the required virtues; western religions tend to run to quite a few; but Indians love enumeration – they’ve been at it for thousands of years; and now they’re Call Centre International it could be a growth industry I’ve got a fine list here from the Jains which is especially practical since they don’t require subscribing to a specific image of the god who’s running all this, remember: you could take one virtue a day to practice or just have the checklist there beside the telephone – I guess if this catches on, there’ll be an illustrated poster to hang there in exquisite medieval illumination so for when you get through to a human being, or better, while you’re waiting, here’s the first nine of the ten: forgiveness; humility; straightforwardness; truth; restraint from anger, abuse, etc; penance; (you could settle there for patience..) non-attachment; indifference to any kind of gain or loss; cleanliness of soul, mind, body; I guess by now you’re either laughing or crying; both have their uses on the way to sainthood; oh yes, the tenth, supreme sex-control; not sure if that applies, apart from monks etc., but it might somehow anyway, there’s nine for you to practice on meanwhile; I don’t need to advise you on which institutions will help you most by their hindrance; you already have that list? if not, press…