0020 Awakening To Myself

Surfacing from deep sleep, that moment when the disciplined get up immediately, the self-motivated can’t wait to get on doing their life, the blest open their eyes with praise upon their lips, the tardy look with horror at the bedside clock, or the peremptory alarm floods the body with adrenalin, while the rest of us pull the bedclothes over our head to keep the world out of ourselves, or vice versa, not I.. half-surfacing to some stony ledge in the ocean of part consciousness I am at one with every depressive, every would-be suicide, every spiritual down-and-out, every being who feels their worthlessness, as one inspecting carefully the contents of the fullish bag of a vacuum cleaner finding there, naught for my comfort until, if I’m lucky, some passing concern for another human being takes the place of fervent morning hymn and I may feel I have some place, some part to play in this strange drama that we find ourselves thrust onstage to play, wondering if we learned the lines aright; and after this chastening roller-coaster of humility, mayhap another chance to seek myself, I, dispassionately, rise.