! Don'T You Wish Your Soul Was Larger? (Advt.)

You were born with a little pink soul. That didn’t seem to matter for your first ten years or so. Then you started to compare it with what other boys had swinging for them… and of course, how girls were different, but managed in their own private way… then you discovered girls, bigtime. Well, for you, smalltime... They didn’t mind the modest size of your soul, at first; then they started giggling together, and favoured some other guy like crazy since it got around that he had a huge swinging soul and knew just how to use it. Now you’ve got a partner, and she doesn’t say anything because she knows you’re very sensitive about this but secretly, she wishes you had a larger soul… and there’s your very handsome neighbour who advertises by the way he dresses, carries himself that he’s well-endowed in that department… watch out; she may feel that she deserves spiritual satisfaction from that guy who sure spreads it around, from what her girlfriends tell her… Now I’m here to tell you – There’s a cure. Several cures in fact. There's using weights for it.. that’s sometimes called hatha-yoga in Indian circles. There’s the vacuum system – empty your mind; that’s called jnana-yoga. There’s the traditional method – play with it a lot, get the bloodstream on your side… love it and all it stands for, that's called bhakti-yoga. Or there’s patches – like, say, Church once a week… A personal soul-massager can be expensive; depends if you can keep up the urge to work; But now, there’s tablets – easy, discreet, available at any bookstore, or by post. So which method would you prefer? You surely can’t doubt your need by now – for every boot-up brings reminders on the net of just how tiny is your wee pink soul (how do they know...?) Let’s give your soul a friendly name – say, Richard – Ricky, Dicky, Rick, or Dick… If you don’t believe this e-mail from a stranger, ask your partner if she wouldn’t prefer the deep and stirring, long and oh so frequent, confident strutting you with your huge swinging soul.. or ask your soulmate: we’ve called him Dick: wouldn’t he like to be a monster size? be the talk of the neighbourhood, get that special glance from all the hottest chicks? And remember – in a few more years of this spamming, and what is monster size now, will be standard issue then… And by the way, we do a special junior version for your kids but present law doesn’t allow us to advertise this… (The Junior Patch comes in three styles: skin-colour; disguised as Band-Aid; or with our bold and trendy logo - best ask Junior first...) give your kids a bigger start in life… it’s what all parents want… Try our seven-day introductory course today – you’ll be amazed, insatiable…and so will she… We’d quote you at this point, the glowing testimonies from satisfied and greater souls, hymning loud Our praise… but I guess you know just how they’d read..