! God! You'Re Like, Sooo Banal...

Imagine - if you'll pardon that phrase addressed to poets, of all people - imagine, if we judged peoples' lives like we do their poems... your parents separate when you're just seven? oh that's such a contrived, unoriginal theme... it's been done, and better... you've fallen in love for the first time? that's so banal, so cliched; can you imagine anyone wants to share that? you've been dumped for the first time in your life by the one you've given your life to? that's pathetic - can't you think of something more.. creative? your family washed away in the tsunami? oh puh-lease - that's so - so - Hollywood - what do you want to be remembered for - Special Effects? you're disabled? Can't you think of something more - personal? we've all been there one way or the other, do you have anything new to contribute? you love your family? so what? life isn't a Hallmark card so reviewing your life, I find it trite, banal, cliche-ridden, unreflected on, randomly commenced, shapeless, lacking in clear theme or sense of direction, unedited, unrevised, poorly punctuated, lacking in any metaphorical significance, veering uncertainly between real, surreal, and fantasy and lacking music, that's either melody or harmony or rhythm with 'em, and far, far too much repetition and and if you think you're aiming at poetic tragi-comedy I can tell you it reads more like farcical melodrama and in all honesty I couldn't recommend it for general release even in a niche market, I mean, who'd want to buy it even in paperback? and I had hoped in my patronising way that you could have done better (though secretly pleased that you haven't) - for God's sake, couldn't you have left us something to remember better than this? Just, done better...? No, me neither (dedicated to all those who've got the Tshirt...)