! The Watchman Of Dark Christmas Night

The brazier’s glowing coals lit up his eyes. I asked the watchman as he guarded time: tell me, watchman, of the truth of Night.. he said: when I had conquered all the tasks of day, I took night-watching as the sternest test, to seek the weakness, and to seek the strength which I might find there in my deepest self.. In darkest night, I lost myself – or so I thought I had: for every night, as the third hour after midnight moves into the fourth hour, there came a time when all one held as precious to oneself, all joy and consolation, all the point of life was taken from me… then I felt myself an abject, faithless wretch.. for it seemed that even God is in repose, in that abyss of time.. taking from me, even faith, and hope, and love itself.. and then one day, I saw in paint – it could have been by Rembrandt’s guided hand – the darkness, to be full of light.. more full than day itself.. the light itself, as God, all in repose; and in the darkness are all things drawn back into themselves; so that they may awake at dawn the fresher; Diadochus, holy man, who knew dark well, for all his holiness, and welcomed it… gave it a name: ‘educative desolation’ was his term… for what mortal man would not become complacent to think he walked with God both day and night? At that darkest hour, faith, hope, and loving-kindness may be withdrawn from human kind; yet, they cannot die, I learned; they must return.. And no one may tell – as shepherds watch, and angels fill the skies – what Mary feels, before her faith and hope are born as joy and love.. what Mary feels, this night as dark as sin.. what Mary feels, before the holy dawn; only humility, for her, for us, will see us through the testing hours; will teach us in this darkest night the darkness full of brightest light.. We sat there silent for a space, I and the watchman of the Night; the brazier glowing warm and bright; the silence full of grace.