Musical Narcotics

I used to etherise myself every single day—by the clock, with an obsessive circle of euphoric musical narcotics: living and re-living; wine and rewind, wine and rewind, wine and rewind— hundreds of times a song, memories, and the wild emotions of my heart in love! I had become addicted to Music: the more I was listening, the more—the more I needed it —to reach its effect! — increasing the dose of volume, — I felt my brain smashed against the sound, making me dizzy and delirious; and when my heart could not contain the gelatinous feelings and knees, it petrified the emotions into a hard rock: hardly feeling anything—it hated itself! —my heart—a monolith with no lithium! I could not yet use the spiritual scissors to cut the guitar-chords and the etheric chord, and the communication kept flowing freely—at the speed of light sending musical narcotics through its channel; like a vein circulating blood, supplying an embryonic love unwilling to renounce life; but it finally kept circulating dedications for a torturous, slow death, as the slow, murderous march of madness— dedications of death! Until the sound of music became interior voices— screaming at me! The guitar, — squeaking, and scratching my nerves! Singing in my mind loud words: words, words, words— vocables, vocables, vocables; dancing till collapsing—collapsing in tears. In a profound perturbation, I closed my eyes, and with the phosphenes in my mind, I fell quietly—into a forgetful sleep.