I Can'T Read Your Words Anymore

I can't read your words anymore because every time I read them, it spears me all over again And I'm already so full of holes I'm sucking air now a giant, sucking chest wound and could become just an emptied, orbiting void a shell of pure nothingness But at least maybe then the pain would become unrecognizable by any remaining humanity left inside Once I was alive inside of you Painting your brave dreams vividly with all the the flagrant emotions of hope I can't read your words anymore I do just fine until I make that mistake again though someday your name will be just another sad, tired chapter of a life I had to close A bereft bank account that began to cost much more than it ever added to my days. And even that wouldn't be so difficult to bear except for the memories how much you still managed to torture me and how I bore up under it, embraced my martyrdom because I thought I was your only savior then And I can't help wondering, do you torture the other now or are you saving it for an unexpected surprise later on? Or perhaps it was a special treatment only for an upstart like me?