Limericks

The Indefinite Article The noun was long the verb was brief, It began with a vowel, the surly thief; The definite article wouldn't suffice- The grammar police would not be nice- He definitely needed to turn the new leaf. Barnacle-Sam Barnacle-Sam was one hell of a man; He broke wild horses on the Rio Grande, He had a skin texture like broken glass, He caught the horses cause he was fast- The crustiest cowboy in all of the land. I'll Send You My Bill A mechanic on a days trip from Brazil Ran down a parrot on the crest of a hill The beak was asunder, horribly rent The mechanic swore complete recompense Fine, said the parrot, I'll send you my bill... Looking for the Man The dog at the Saloon door, they saw Who said in shaking voice, so raw 'I'm looking for the man Down on the Rio Grande- I'm looking for the man, that shot my paw.' Daisy Chain I know I'll never live, to see a thing so ample Could be construed, to cause an instant trample: A nudist camp filled up with bathing dames That swim in tight formation; a daisy chain Which of the former cause, is one example. He Employed Me Had to go out to find me a job, So the bank, I would not rob: My supervisor, ever so wise Used to make me sit on his thighs; Then we'd have a lengthly hobnob. There's Another Fine Course There's another fine course of didactery; Against which there's no worthwhile phylactery: It's never too safe, to look up at the sky Because it could hit you, straight in the eye; For the bird's are all little flying sh- factories. The Point This point is probably over rated, But it seems some people are fated: Bob worked the conveyor belt, nine-to-five But caught in it's rollers, was no more alive, As they found themselves discombobulated. When I'm Coffee Deprived When I'm coffee deprived; it's bad, I know it, My doofus comes out, I'm bound to show it, Was trying to favorite that poem for so long; Hit the wrong button, something went wrong- Then I added myself as a favorite poet. Science is Full of So Many Odd Tales Science is full of many odd tales; Like the woman, cast on me her spell: She whipped off her pants, And we did quite a dance- For she had an opposable tail. Obama The talk of the town's the new Prez They hang on every word he sez Though his lineage is historic And his method, rhetoric He could do with a stately pince-nez. Figuring Out Modern Morals Figuring modern morals is a chasm; Sometimes puts the brain into spasm: If nice guys marry the girl who wouldn't, But spend all their time, with the one who shouldn't- Does the good girl get the orgasms? Limerick the Endless Torus Limerick's the endless torus Which goes round, never to bore us For we like to engage With words wise and sage But not be a know-it-allsaurus. The Auto-Erotic Triumvirate The auto-erotic triumvirate Was a one-armed pirate; Just one you see, All it takes to be Cause his hand was such a tyrant. Hickory Dickory Sock HIckory dickory sock, A mouse is like a cock; Attention's paid, Just to get laid- And then the flight's ad hoc. Tu Fu There was once a wise poet, Tu Fu, And he lived where the wild things grew; He liked cups of wine Made of fruit from the vine- But lamented, when empty: Too Few!