Nikki The Darker Sister

I got to know you today, Nikki Even though you've been dead for a while I admit, I supposed you were just another Spoiled rich kid, out wrecking Your daddy's Porsche, to escape From a stifling boredom; Nothing ever happening fast enough for you So at an hundred miles an hour, you died. I saw your smiling before-photos That made you appear lighthearted and playful I think the shallow part was all mine- First of all there were those dark eyes Hauntingly Asian looking or something And you seemed to have no favorite anything- Movies, music..were you just drifting Never really here even when you were still here? I found out you were major depressive; Inoperable brain tumor at eight years old There were dire predictions; lack of impulse control It all began to make sense, your close encounter With the concrete toll booth, at high speed Taking out both yourself and the Porsche. You'd argued that day, Had your own car keys taken away You grabbed the Porsche keys where they hung on the wall Your people started calling the emergency services As if they had a premonition: you'd never handled a Porsche- No one ever drove that one again. There was your dad searching the highways As police cars raced by him to your crash scene Later he was haunted he hadn't kissed you goodbye at lunch. In a thoughtless moment You lost it all: hope, life, and future Your parents lost a car that was replaceable But their old life was gone forever Cruel strangers thought it funny To trick your family into viewing your death photos You were an overnight internet sensation. Thinking about it more, I knew your death was an accident Though you had plenty of other problems You must have realized early that some people are never meant To stay around too long, and perhaps deep inside you knew It was better to leave before grace left you Who knew what burdens were weighing upon you? I'm sorry you're dead; your life slammed shut I'm sorry the world will never know you as a grown up Sorry that you seemed born into disappointment Looking at your photos now, I don't see A wild, immature child challenging the rules I see someone tired beyond her years Trying to grow up without the necessary tools And strange that the thing you loved most Was the tool they tried to dismantle your family with.