- - My Stella - - No -.69

- -My Stella -69 - Unattainable dream ofmy childhood - My heart did lose in the heavy lifting of life, a life it was that seemed to be so. Open, bare, and damp with shivering cold, hotter than hot and humid, shabby ashes to lie on. A life full of exploration and query of the law of source. Childhood was a dreamless dream, a sheer farce of living. The dark, gloomy weather with no vicissitude, a wild pursuit of chaos. Thegrim faces of confluence close and daily emulation of same struggle. Monotonous men with humdrum poverty and paucity of living, It was but a lifeless existing. My life was a scope, rich to die each moment and resurrect the next moment and recoil again. Wisdom was inherent in each passing hour of indigence and I was a wondering witness. Empty stomach stirred the sealed heart to bountiful benison of life, to fall in love. The battered container to contain drops of weired tears. Eating, drinking and merry making were a vice, Ignominy of contumelious eating having no subsistence and lifebecame an imprecation. It was rolling as a knaggy stone that moves with no ditch to fall. You came like the lotos land at this setting of my breath, the vital downpour of my being with grey hair. Are you the one who was inside my self as unuttered chorus? Are you the poppy to lull me sleep fora while to go beyond knowledge? Are youthe dream that glimpsed often and on as sweet pain in quizzical hour of frugality in lonesome boyish days? Are you my tired soul dragging with tired hands for a drop of living and making your life an uneasy faltering? I am none of you and my stoicism has nothing to do with your quietude or engrained one, the bottommost. A foreign selfam I with different rhythm,wavelength and a sundar oozed being.