Freedom Not Permitted

This sequence of life has come to an abrupt end, but not of my own doing. Wishing to carry it out a year or two, so I may integrate all feelings and memories becoming at last one being. Memories and images of long ago fit within their separate compartments, never touching or mingling with each other. Until of late, when producing a frustration barrier between self and feelings hiding within. Comparable to no other entity on this earth, focusing always away, shining on some distant shore of waking. Almost on cue, forsaken at the beginning once again, promises made, trust beginning, salvation at last in sight - almost at hand. Suddenly all hope is dashed upon the rocks of another's decisive force, not being allowed the freedom once permitted to get well with. Instead, abandoned, cast out, given up on being too much like a child, afraid to become an outspoken adult. Afraid to overstep barriers which have preempted life, left alone once again behind the pain of glass. Non-existent in this world, looking forward to it's very early demise, hopes held high, it will soon be cut short. (1: 50 p.m. - 7/24/95)