Life's Sadness

Filled with life's sadness, not comprehending any worth in living, this day is darkened by the frown upon a furrowed brow. Dusk, bright orange and red, throwing itself across the sky, drenching my mind with thoughts of my Grandmother. Why now, after all these years? Sorrow has not diminished, loving her just as much now as I did in 1972. Reminding self of our beautiful relationship, pondering what death will be like with her. Life without her has been never-ending sorrow year after year, what can be lost if I leave this world now as it is? There is nothing to lose, except the pain and hurt of this deep abiding, residing loneliness. Frustrated with these thoughts and ideas, wanting to end it all right here. There is nothing to clasp or hold onto, no one waiting in this world, yet, my Grandmother awaits me beyond these earthly clouds, holding out her hand in anticipation of the joy we will once again share. Filled with pleasure at these thoughts, turning away from life, searching for a small space to place life in death's hasty embrace. (5: 59 p.m. - 1/5/96)