Despair In Old Age

DESPAIR IN OLD AGE Despair in old age Dead friends Friends sick and dying The choice between the treatment That draws the suffering out And the sooner and more painful death The boredom The sense of one’s own uselessness The futile striving to not be a hindrance to others The vain effort not to look like a shipwreck The sick smell of oneself The loss of power in so many ways The small naps in public places The sense of one’s own uselessness The understanding one has done what one could And not done enough And not done the best The regret The hatred of having others doing simple things for you You can no longer do for yourself The weakness The aching The pain The boredom The slowness of mind The loss of interest The feeling of oneself as a burden a disappointment To others The despair The hopelessness The wishing were all over And the understanding that to finish it Is to be a coward and leave a horrible legacy The having too much time and remembering when one never had enough The feeling of one’s own uselessness The letting loved ones down The loneliness The boredom The sadness The hatred and contempt for oneself And what one has against one’s every wish, become. The long drawn-out never ending hopelessness of it all.