I Don'T Know Why This Sadness Is Me

I don’t know why this sadness is me, And why depression has suddenly come - It seems as if I am empty alone And nowhere and nothing knows Just what I was. I am deeper into what I do not want to be Then I know how to go out of- Oh these games of despair How often have I played them in the past- Let me walk outside Let me feel the light Let me read an interesting page Let the time for Shul come and let me get to my Siddur again- Anything anything But the down of this now Which by my writing is already somewhat less, And only disturbance Deep disturbance Anxiety - Why? I will get out of this soon I tell myself- When I get up from this chair And do something, anything else The door, the light, the light the outside A walk up the hill to Shul will save me.