Reasons For My Depression

REASONS FOR MY DEPRESSION I know this weight this inertia I know this sense of being drawn down I know this feeling that nothing can be done That I can do nothing I know this sense of threat A war might come and the enemy missiles make our cities burn My loved ones might be in danger I know this fear of being abandoned Of our people facing another disaster Wandering in homelessness I know this feeling of being able to go nowhere I know this feeling of never being able to get out of it I know the tiredness and the indifference I know my sense that I have wasted my life and work is not worth anything The taxman is coming The money is running out There are more unanticipated expenses When I just do not have it I have already spent more this month than I should have My clothes are old and worn So much about me is so shabby I do not like other parents and grandparents Have the money to really be of help There are so many unfixed broken things in the house That I should have fixed long ago I have chronic pain now as never before The blood pressure the prostate Will I ever get out of it? I have not been able to yet I have so many health problems now Is the skin discoloration cancer? We may have a visitor who is lost himself and needs help I do not know how to give How much of my time will he take? I do not have the patience for anyone or anything Please don't bother me but I can't get out of this myself My wife is disappointed with me My wife is not that well and I worry about her health I worry about my children so much I undermine their confidence So many of our friends are sick and dying I am already old and only getting older The next stage is the walker the wheelchair Will I be surprised and have a stroke And become the worst kind of burden? I remember my mother eight years in a wheelchair unable to speak, We all die and I have not bought a gravesite yet I am older than I ever pictured myself as being So many hate us on the basis of their own bigotry stupidity ignorance there are so many bad people in the world there is so much hatred there are so many reasons for despair there is no end of reasons I can go on and on and on The question is not why I despair But how do I manage most of the time not to?