Knocking On His Door

I slept later than usual This morning Hoping to hurry this day away I shall meet you, later, Not for coffee and conversation But instead for another reminder Of your swift stab departure The trade off of left behind items Haggling over their actual worth Memories are golden But hurt tarnishes every little thing Will your eyes meet mine In ways I can recognize Will words be kind Or calculated Will you brush me away Like a vagrant begging for loose change Or will you find deep inside yourself The flicker of a flaming torch And protect me from being scorched Without a second thought Subconsciously dressing to catch your eye I think to look most beautifully smart Strong, confident, composed Pulling it all together While completely falling apart Best to not apply mascara Allowing tears to stain my sketched-on smile I steady my shaking hands And bubble-wrap my heart... You used to notice everything The flip of my hair The swing of my hips The scent of my skin The pout of my lips Today I think you will only notice The sense of relief you feel When I walk away Being let off the hook Of knowing how much this has hurt me You build taller walls To secure your fortress And surround yourself with a moat Knowing I will not cross into enemy territory And I doubt you will lower the drawbridge And offer me safe passage It is easier for you to see me In the controlled comfort Of your space There, and then, you can call the shots Telling me of a busy schedule An important call to make A hurried hectic day that holds no extra room For making me feel better Surely you will see my scars But you care not to lend first aid I will leave bleeding