Immeasurable Cost

In this city of transience, one can disappear without a trace and never be discovered again by himself or noticed missing by a loved one. You can live decades in a drunken haze, almost wait until you're laid to waste before you excavate your soul and dust off your conscience. I've walked through vacant fields and down car-rusted streets of despair feeling like a stranger to myself but beginning to sense the implications of a previous life. I stepped into a restaurant and gazed into my eyes through a smoky-tarnished mirror but I never saw myself clearer and the need to return to an ancient place where I left myself and a love behind. I've got to peruse my memories and every vague mental picture hiding in the corners of the mind until I find what I'm looking for and how to redeem this existence. The days have been rough and I've been scattered like birds by buckshot; maybe in the next life, I'll live like pigs fattened by acorns in the sunlight, but for now, I'm going to scourer the past until I reunite with the girl I lost at too immeasurable a cost to my personality and psyche.