Unforgiving Failure

I've spent so much time Remembering the lightning flash of your eyes And the inescapable excitement of your mouth Caressing words in the dream-like afternoon When I used to assume I meant something to you. There was never a breath of yours that was a lie, Never a hesitation that implored me to believe I was a man to open your doors, A lover to take your coat or hold your umbrella, A gentleman with the privilege of protecting your honor. I was drunk on the perfume of your essence, I was staggering to feel your breath on my collar, I wanted to write the ecstasy of your existence On secretive ancient scrolls that deities would keep Down through supernatural centuries, I wanted a place in your history. I thought I had the strength to withstand Against the gates of jealousy Whenever I saw you with another man, That I could take a kick to my emotional stomach And never whimper or wince, Such was the state of my faithfulness and resolve, I was a stone poet who could endure any indignity. But the days have defeated me And the decline of youthfulness Has unseated me, Any attempts at poetry seep away Like air from a punctured tire, My dreams and my heart are deflated, There is nothing to accomplish, No one will see you as I wanted them to see you, This has been my unforgiving failure.