I Love You So Little

Let me tell you how little I love you. May be I don't love you. Yet, I can't stand a moment without you. As if I am so numb, so empty without you! Without you- the wind stops whistling the river stops dancing the birds stop singing. But if I see your smile in silvery moon the wind whistles again the river dances again the birds sing again. As if they too are dead without you. May be I don't love you. Loving is so complex! A humble boy of my stature would never know what love is! I wrong so often, lose you so often. But if I lose you, I seek you. More I lose you, more I seek you. I seek you until I find you. Because I don't love you I lose you again. Because I lose you I seek you again. It's weird that I am still a child! I always play hide and seek with you I always dance between loving you and not loving you. Loosing, and then seeking you is an addiction! I hurt when I lose you I heal when I find you. Tormenting myself with hurting and healing is an addiction. All this I do because I don't love you. Because I don't love you I want to love you. Because I want to love you I seek you. Because I seek you may be I love you- a little though. I wish I were air of your breath then I could have loved you little more if God permits next life, I shall be air of your breath. © Arun Maji Painting: Eugene De Blaas