Page One

Some days all I can find is Page One, and of course what follows, what multiplies, what complicates, confuses, makes me want to start over. And there I am, on Page One. Shouldn't I be on page 10? or page 12? or at least page 5? ... I understand this only dimly: I'm the one who started on Page One, and there must I always begin again. Page One is a lonely place. When I look around, no one. I spin on my immediate axis, fast, faster, even faster, then slower, then stationary, suddenly stationary, my head reeling and stopping at the same moment - here am I on Page One, but wiser, less grasping, with not a trace of vanity, ready to watch and learn. The Master Volume sends out mission experts. They are serious young people, capable of communicating in seven languages. They wear no masks, their faces reveal true emotions. Take your pick. You can't go wrong. If you don't need their help to reach page 2, ignore them rudely. They will move on, hesitantly, seeking the ones in need. 'So, you're still on Page One. I'm Sebastian: one day I will die in exquisite agony for a new and beautiful god. In the meantime, I serve among these shadowy helpers. That's Lionel, who bends the I Ching to his will; that's Adrian, who can look at any spread of Tarot cards and select the coolest future; there's Eleanor of the Witch Pack, who cannot often be trusted. 'There's Cassandra, way in back, who's lovely, ingenuous and mute... Who would have thought so many electric figures would occupy Page One? The energy is dazzling! Someone on page 12, at this moment, claims it is blinding her further progress. Out of courtesy, it's time for you to move on, at least to move off, ideally shut things off, reduce the brilliance to a glow. 'That's your signal, Ephebe. The others (You didn't notice their departures.) are running toward page 2. Don't you crave to join their rush and riot? Look! One of them turns around, his lips are moving, but he's too far ahead of us to hear him. Us? Actually it's only you. I'm just a voice in your head, an impulse in your gut, a readiness in your disposition. Can you make sense of my presence? 'Don't you get it yet? I'm bored stuck here at the starting point. I'm getting annoyed by the sameness of this place. I feel the tug from energy sources out there... I'm breathing the earliest sweet smells of a distant spring. Isn't that what you yearn for? Breathe and smile. Do you get it now? I'm letting go, hands free, eyes closed, facing another direction which promises - ' Page One is a comfortable place. It's the Island of the Lotus Eaters, not far, in a fast ship, from Calypso's Ortygia, where a goddess yearns for me, and prepares a cup of nectar. Circe could be a problem, but with 'moly's' help I'll survive a whole year, enjoy the happiest sex, surrounded by tamed animals who are also stuck on Page One. I see the detritus of adventure - bronze swords, embossed shields, the broken rudder of a mighty ship, torn pieces of black and white sails, a staff of authority for speakers in an Assembly, coins from kingdoms ringing the Mediterranean, a treasury of gems - all scattered along the wide shoreline of Page One. What does all of this mean? What impulse? What voice? What readiness? Is my odyssey a book whose pages I turn one by one? or is mine the journey outward, into - TERRA INCOGNITO! The very phrase itself is electric. To speak it is to repeat it, repeat it faster and faster. It's become a chant, an incantation, something more than speech, beyond words, a spell of creation, a musical phrase, music itself. This is no longer just my voice. I-joined to a chorus of others, we-harmonized into swelling sounds, a symphony spreading across lands, seas, skies. O, the spacious air! I'm tumbling, I'm careening, I - no, WE are in flight far above places with numbers, beyond beginning and ending. Our thoughts are dissolving into a hum of perfect meaning... That symphony carries US, contains US, recreates US. Our memories fade into the 'plenum'. WE were so alike, stuck on Page One. WE are raised above it. WE are flying free, together, whole - This symphony is the World!