Taking Teesside By Storm (And Strategy)

The reclusive poet Kevin Jones Was incredibly hacked off, With compliant media & crappy government plans. He was so sick and tired Of brand new business types: Abounding in his local region With their smarmy smiles and smart phones. So he decided one day To become Commandant Kev. Then he went out & recruited Jaded 'Job Seeker' renegades. At first he looked aghast at them: With their tattoos, jogging bottoms And Middlesbrough football shirts. Yet he moulded them as best he could And transformed them meticulously Into a piecemeal, militant army. As he stood splendidly dapper; clad In Maoist cap and slightly creased jacket, He provided them with an aim And named them his ‘Jogging Bottom' brigades. After a few rudimentary discussions, They assembled at a remote base In the gloomy Cleveland hills: Where devious Commandant Kev Coerced them with cans of cider And boxes of Regal King Size. His aim was to take Tees - side By storm & by strategy; And impose his great vision Of mass collectivism. But he was thwarted by sneaky spies: Who poisoned the minds of his gang. So there was no need to send in, Bovine police or brute army, As guerrilla tactics never Got off the ground. There was Too much talking about trivialities Like football, cars, darts & birds who they had been with. There was not much in the way of Dedication & discipline; Not much discussion about Marx; Just scapegoating of foreigners. Kevin's Jogging Bottom Brigades Were permanently drunk And when our Kev ran out of supplies Of bog standard booze & fags, It was inevitable that His recruits deserted one by one. Still he cursed them for their Profound, petty fickleness. O he cursed them loudly night and day! Yet although he was disillusioned, He vowed to rise again: With stronger purpose & plan; To fight corporate greed & power Wherever and whenever it sprang. But he has yet to emerge From a decade's hibernation. When he does you can be sure, He'll take Tees side by storm... And perhaps with better strategy!