There’s Only The Two Of Us Here

I camped one night in an empty hut on the side of a lonely hill. I didn’t go much on empty huts, but the night was awful chill. So I boiled me billy and had me tea and seen that the door was shut. Then I went to bed in am empty bunk by the side of the old slab shed. It must have been about twelve o’clock – I was feeling cosy and warm – When at the foot of me bunk I sees a horrible ghostly form It seemed in shape to be half an ape with a head like a chimpanzee But wot the hell was it doin there, and wot did it want with me? You may say if you please that I had DTs or call me a crimson liar, But I wish you had seen it as plain as me, with it’s eyes like coals of fire. Then it gave a moan and a horrible groan that curdled me blood with fear, And ‘There’s only the two of us here,’ it ses. ‘There’s only the two of us here!’ I kept one eye on the old hut door and one on the awful brute; I only wanted to dress meself and get to the door and scoot. But I couldn’t find where I’d left me boots so I hadn’t a chance to clear And, ‘There’s only the two of us here,’ it moans. ‘There’s only the two of us here!’ I hadn’t a thing to defend meself, not even a stick or stone, And ‘There’s only the two of here!’ It ses again with a horrible groan. I thought I’d better make some reply, though I reckoned me end was near, ‘By the Holy Smoke, when I find me boots, there’ll be only one of us here.’ I get me hands on me number tens and out through the door I scoots, And I lit the whole of the ridges up with the sparks from me blucher boots. So I’ve never slept in a hut since then, and I tremble and shake with fear When I think of the horrible form wot moaned, ‘There’s only the two of us here!’