God's Second Coming

This morning on my way to church I slowed my feet to start a search inside my pockets for some money because they'd find it not too funny if I showed up with empty hands (it's not that our priest demands that people give what they can't spare) but serving God means that we share what he has given us to use for things like applepies and shoes well going back to my own search the banker passed, with a slight lurch and to myself I thought right then the time will come for you, big Ben when governments hand out inflation and you sit at the Railway station between your legs your army hat your rear rests on a Welcome mat and there you'll be with your guitar and beg for money since you are a former banker who, once rich and married to a greedy bitch has fallen into unkind times due to the way that heinous crimes are perpetrated by the Yanks who took control of all the banks and trillion gallons of crude oil with which they conquer foreign soil. Well, back to me now I had found two silver shillings, on the ground quick thinking let me pick them up they would be dropped into the cup. Right after this convenient find I turned my intellectual mind toward the folks who had now reached God's house, where Father stood with bleached white collar and the smile of age he pointed at an open page of the good book held in his hands and then explained how God demands that all his children pray to him that Jesus went out on a limb though God did love him as he climbed he sat in Heaven where he rhymed a tale of love and tears and pain (he was a poet, also vain) . Inside they went to start the show the preacher wanted them to know that times were hard and churches need the full support of all, indeed he said that Jesus could not wait and that the service would start late would all you folks go home and grab some real money, so the tab gets paid to get us out of debt so hurry now, I will be set when you return with what is due to God we pray, we shall be true to him and Jesus we will give so that our pastor may he live to teach us children how to praise and without hesitation raise donations, taking what was mine so that the preacher can buy wine He needs the wine to show his God (and no this really is not odd) the status of his sheeps' finance and when he drinks he does the dance of worship with the greatest skill especially when full the till. To make a longish story short I've never been a stingy sport so I went home with hasty stride and halfway there received a ride from banker Ben who seemed subdued perhaps the money changed his mood he said to me my dear old friend I am not going 'round the bend but let me be completely frank I think I'll open up my bank and load up all the cash inside then we return to church with pride it is what God would want from us and with these words and without fuss we did proceed and robbed the place you should have seen the preacher's face! And God himself could not resist he floated down, through heavy mist and sat with us, we all had wine and in a while felt really fine then our preacher, bless his soul asked God about the devil's role but God dismissed the devil now he said I have been thinking how we could solve all of mankind's woes enjoy the land and what it grows if I decided to suspend all time as such, so in the end there would be never any change (he now was tipsy) , I'll arrange it right this minute for us all and he stood up (he was quite tall) took out the cork from a Shiraz (Ben secretly released some gas) and pointed it up to his home then spoke the words 'I bless this dome', and that was it, time was suspended and that is how this story ended. Part II And when the story had been closed some people said I was hard-nosed they do not like an early end which I appreciate, I tend to be a softy underneath so, here I go, gritting my teeth and tell you more about those folks as they were sitting, telling jokes and God was giggling so loud vibrations reached a cirrhus cloud which, touchy as these clouds can be began to cry in misery and sent its water down to earth where in the gardens it gave birth to grass and veggies also trees however, seven honeybees who hate the clouds and also rain because the rains, like rains in Spain make flying hard and sog the wings (and bees have queens and never kings) so they decided to complain to God himself and make it plain that sunny weather was preferred one worker bee then asked a bird to take him up to see his God the bird, a falcon, gave the nod and off they went into the sky, you know how fast those falcons fly! At the Gate they met St Peter (meanwhile ticked the falcon's meter) God is visiting believers he had mentioned 'busy beavers' something crucial about money (at this moment it turned sunny) and, to be elaborating God would want me to be stating that all time had been awarded to the other side where sordid shenanigans would always rule you know, the devil that old fool. Apparently they could not fly back down to earth, I'll tell you why when time at last does self-destruct you cannot hope to then conduct time-dependent undertaking blasphemous and godforsaking Thus, the falcon and his rider stayed, until a tiny glider did there arrive bearing a note it was a message God had wrote it stated 'I have now decreed that Falcon and you shall be freed come back to earth with gravity and then report direct to me.' When falcon and the little bee (the bee clung to the falcon's knee) arrived the church was very warm and on the rafters hung a swarm of honey bees with their own queen it was a sight they'd never seen the people of the town did sit under the preachers big pulpit and all were happy in their hearts (the banker though was passing farts) then suddenly God rose again and after saying 'stop that, Ben' he realised that space was tight and that he would, to set things right enlarge the church beyond belief which would create a great reprieve and make a home for everyone he'd cut the roof to let the sun shine in to warm the place at once he'd also now ordain some nuns and one by one the creatures would come to the church as well they should no preacher would have to complain it was the product of God's brain and from the day of reckoning when God created this new thing all of the world's in habitants including seven miscreants lived in this Heaven number two for them it was something quite new but what they found which did impress was that their former earthly mess was history and left behind, another thing that they did find is that the church was run by nuns they had no need to carry guns though one of their employees said that when he was in charge he had commanded legions of big arms and that this church needed alarms to warn of terrorists who would if it was easy and they could blow up the church with God inside but all the people opened wide and laughed until the cows came home (they always grazed outside the dome) and God said 'George this is my house and every single little mouse can rest assured that he's with me this ain't the White House in DC.'