You'D Never Guess

Last night I wore my purple dress the doorbell rang, you'd never guess who walked in with a bunch of flowers and all his charismatic powers. Let me describe him, here's a clue: His hair is silver, almost blue. They say he has a crooked schlong an eager one, don't get me wrong. I'm not the target any more his wife, they say, is still quite sore. Well, this is crazy, here we are and he unwraps this black cigar. Moves closer, smiles his smile and winks, I wonder if he really thinks... but I must tell someone, confess because, well, um, you'd never guess, he smelled like a distillery my thoughts were all with Hillary. His cell phone rang, he grew a frown and whispered 'Darling, dropp this gown', Oh, no, I shall do no such thing with any man who wears a ring, But then he talked of good old times how everyone commits those crimes, and that he loved me as his honey and did I need some extra money. 'I have a slushfund with no less, a million dollars from the mess when we were finished with our tour I did alright there, that's for sure.' And in the blink of his blue eyes before my brain could realise he moved around like a Houdini undressed and put on a bikini. I tell you, it was quite a scene the man was wearing greenback green. The garment had been stitched together a thousand notes and one lone feather. But what amazed me, can you guess a body part, shaped like an S was pointing now in my direction no way it could escape detection. As you would know, I was quite nervous since he had brought the Secret Service. They briefed me now, called me Monique all classified. I felt so weak, then they went out but would you guess he grabbed me quick, ripped off my dress! That did it, what a clumsy jerk, and now his Heini went beserk, I prayed so God would intervene when rescue came onto the scene. While I was fighting off the beast there was a knock, it was the priest. Had come to pray with him and bless his tool, made up of stem cells, yes. I then decided that this mess was weird enough, you'll never guess what happened then, blink of an eye, that's just before I went bye-bye. The priest had taken off his habit and donned two ears, those of a rabbit, the two of them sat close together and now perused that ostrich feather. I pinched my buttocks just in case I had been dreaming of this place and found that this was real life, I hurried home to my sweet wife. She uses a much better brand and buys them in the Fatherland. 'Cigars', she says, 'of quality come from a country that is free.' And Cuban sticks are way too humble you touch them and they start to crumble. A White House intern won't play chess but, then again....you'd never guess.