The Definition Of Gardening

Jim just loves to garden, yes he does. He likes nothing better than to put on his little overalls and his straw hat. He says, 'Let's go get those tools, Jim.' But then doubt begins to set in. He says, 'What is a garden, anyway?' And thoughts about a 'modernistic' garden begin to trouble him, eat away at his resolve. He stands in the driveway a long time. 'Horticulture is a groping in the dark into the obscure and unfamiliar, kneeling before a disinterested secret, slapping it, punching it like a Chinese puzzle, birdbrained, babbling gibberish, dig and destroy, pull out and apply salt, hoe and spray, before it spreads, burn roots, where not desired, with gloved hands, poisonous, the self-sacrifice of it, the self-love, into the interior, thunderclap, excruciating, through the nose, the earsplitting necrology of it, the withering, shriveling, the handy hose holder and Persian insect powder and smut fungi, the enemies of the iris, wireworms are worse than their parents, there is no way out, flowers as big as heads, pock-marked, disfigured, blinking insolently at me, the me who so loves to garden because it prevents the heaving of the ground and the untimely death of porch furniture, and dark, murky days in a large city and the dream home under a permanent storm is also a factor to keep in mind.'