Laughter

Laughter. When I wake up I see coloured worms crawling around just inside my eyelids.When I open my eyes I see exploding stars and green moons. I fumble switch on the bedside lamp and life return. Beside me a woman sleeps, knows nothing of my agony. I sit on a chair in the living room big yellow pearls of sweat run from my brow down my stomach, disappear into my pubic hairs as I think of all my failures and I say to myself; “now try to remember something nice.” I close my eyes coloured worms have gone only a forest of green reminds, of a place to hide my everlasting shame. But I hear laughter, whether it is of scorn or not, doesn’t matter I’m a clown and want you to love me.