Was It Love? ?

Smoothly walking on a desert road, dust traveling all around, settling on the ground where I am walk- ing, barely breathing. Thinking of all that I have done in life, wondering if it's enough to get me back into heaven or will I be stranded in limbo. No way to gain the gates of heaven again in death, thoughts keep running through my mind, accepting and rejecting them. Not able to really say which are the best or worst, thinking now of our love, was it love in reality or just you wanting to quench your lust and ego at my expense. Never really feeling cared for or loved by you, striving to be what I thought was supposed to be done. Now seeing all was done in naught, because the love I thought I had was not love, only you taking possession of my body, trying to rule my every thought and emotion. Leaving only your anger and abuse within the life I had lived, nothing there but lies throughout life, tears of failure smart my eyes, as I taste the hatred of never really having had any love from you at all.