Advice To Dracula

What goes on in that swamp of your mind… Remembering your first fang-bite? Doesn't it give you the heebie-geebies? Doesn't it ever bore you, that diet of blood? Anyone would think you were a horsefly or a mosquito A leech, a lamprey, a bedbug or a bat Wouldn't you prefer a steak tartare with all the trimmings? It's bad for your health Living in a crypt, all that mould and damp It'll ruin your eyesight, floating about in the dark Looking through stained glass windows Mostly after midnight, hungry and uninvited Unwanted as raw sewage Don't you realise you could develop porphyria Sickle cell disease? Leukemia? Aids, even? The blood you drink's untested. Night work disrupts your body's circadian rhythms, It increases the risk of developing diabetes, Heart disease, and obesity. Night feeding ruins your system's ability To process sugar and glucose Studies have shown that eating at night, Impairs the body's ability to process sugar, or glucose However, in your defence, drinking blood Helps heal the disease of porphyria And like George III, Vlad the Impaler. Frederick the great of Prussia, Your pee is probably purple.