At The Tourist Shoppie (Scots)

There's a wee fridge magnet Scotty There's a postcaird frae Dunoon There's a calendar o castles Frae Loch Ness tae Embro toun There's a heeze o bagpipe cds Fiddlers, clarsachs, Gaelic mods There are miniatures o fusky The Ambrosia o the Gods There are sticks o rock frae Glesga There's Oor Willie on his pail There are Heilan coos an parritch Arran sweaters fur the Gael Wid ye like a Cairngorm Or a swanky sgian dubh Or shorbreid, or tinned haggis Or a can o irn bru? Wid ye fancy Forfar bridie Rabbie Burns on a dishcloot A pair o tartan panties Or a Viking warrior suit? Can we interest ye in clapshot Will ye book a waukin toor Is yer midgie spray nae wirkin? Here's a poncho for a shooer! O we're aa Jock Thampson's bairns here Fur yer tourist siller's nott Tae keep wheels o commerce turnin An Auld Scotia's boat afloat